I feel guilty.
Its 3am. I can't sleep. Because i'm guilty. And i have insomnia.
I'm guilty that my mom went looking for me at the wrong barnes&noble and couldn't find me and got upset.
I'm guilty that Ryan was in the wrong place, although i didn't have anything to do with it really.
I'm guilty that i poured water on aaron todd and katie accidentally-on-purpose. Why the hell did i think that would be funny? Fucking cofee breaking down on me when i need it's brainpower! I gave them each a dollar for wet clothes/ i'm being an asshole tax.
I'm angry that the DDR radio station won't let me in sometimes because i can't pay them for a "preffered membership" (DAMN THEM!)
Stupid guilt. Now that its written out i don't feel quite so bad. yipee. Now i can sleep easier. maybe.
I want to play DDR. I have no machine for it. grrrrrr. I'll deal with step charts for now, but i'll get a pad if its the last thing i doooo...
Sage is good at cartoon voices. He should do it for a living.
I'm being mean to my mom for no reason. I need to do something nice for her. I'm a bitch. A bad one. and the worst part is its not even intentional. Dear lord what's happening to me..
"Ducks have flat feet to stamp out fires. Elephants have big feet to stamp out flaming ducks. I'm a duck :-("-Shane Eyeler's signature in my yearbook.

I have spent a lot of time with friends. Brief synopsis of yesterday and today.
Yesterday
-Air conditioning
-Ryans House
-Tae Kwon Do
-Marley's House
-Montgomeryville mall w/ Marley
-meet Katie, Ryan, and Neil there.
-We discuss how we are getting the ring to Mordor, and i return keys from the sky.

Today

-sleepsleepsleep
-online yabber yabber
-out to lunch w/ mom
-sleep sleep sleep
-tae kwon do
-Emily over
-eat chinese food, play scattergories, watch anime, draw with sidewalk chalk. There is now a large mural in our driveway that says "welcome to hell (come back soon)" in emily's awesome handscript.
-Emily is confused and thinks Ryan's name is Kyle.
-Ryan "Kyle" Collins and Katie over
-Play pictionary, watch whose line tape.
-Ryan goes home
-Emily goes home
-Katie goes home

There ya go! Also, i stepped in wet cement yesterday. I checked to see if it was still there, but they smoothed my pretty footprint out. Damn them.
I feel all warm and nice inside. Not quite fuzzy. Fuzz makes me cough. Hack hack.

"If you can't damn someone to hell, where can you damn them? Texas?"-Emily

*Burp* scuse me.
Welcome for the waiting-for-the-damn-air-conditioner-repair-men-at-8-in-the-morning show! (Extreme hyphenage! WAHHHH!)
A few things i wanted to say.
Two most influential people in my life at the moment-Molly and Ryan.
Feel silly that i couldn't go to Melissas party or paintballing..makes me sad. But i am very much in demand in this area of the world. I've got this afternoon off however *Thank GOD!*.
I've decided that i want to have my sweet sixteen at a restraunt and rent a room of some sort. Either hibatchi or buca di beppo. I want to see all my friends in the same room. That would be so funny. Craziest party ever probably. I would have people ranging from Marley to Steve (not alex).
Speaking of marley, she and lala have joined the tae kwon do studio! Go team them! I will be teaching them much! Also, i'll have the chance to see her on a regular basis during the summer! Wheehee! she starts today!
My bus driver for camp is a loon. Thats all i need to say about that. Silly howard the loon. Howard the loon, that sounds like a jazz trumpeters name. Howard "The Loon" Louis. Nah, nevermind forget i said that.
Moo hoo hoo
I gots a whistle on a string.
I feel pretty damn good right now that i don't have school. But theres guilt for not getting to see everyone i want to. Which sucks, but i can't do anything about it. Except maybe clone myself.

"Bus fare? Since when do you need bus fare, we used to ride that shit to school every day for free!"-Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. By the way, Jason Mewes (Jay) just got busted for smokin weed, smokin weed..

I've decided that i like funky music above all music! I love funk! Let's all get funky! *gets funky*
Assisted mom's kids today. They are quite cute.

Todays horror episode! Internet abbreviating and edited mispelling goes completely nuts!

MySocksOnFire: I made a necklace.
MySocksOnFire: Its a cord with a spatula hanging off it.
Azn ChaRmed WuN: kool kool
MySocksOnFire: i've been wearing it many places.
Azn ChaRmed WuN: neatit sounds kool!
MySocksOnFire: i love it. I have also been wearing my hat collection. I'm not allowed to do that at skool.
Azn ChaRmed WuN: manu cant wear anything in skool
MySocksOnFire: its worse at other schools.
MySocksOnFire: At penn charter u can't have a logo on ur shirt bigger than ur fist.
Azn ChaRmed WuN: damn itwe r like wun of da most easist wuns
MySocksOnFire: what?
Azn ChaRmed WuN: haha
Azn ChaRmed WuN: nm
MySocksOnFire: k..

Try as i might, i can't totally decipher that sentence.. ehe o well.
Therapy appointment tonight. Gee, what do i say now? I am not really sure. Medicines working fine. I think everything exploded during that underwear episode, now theres this calm..it seems like every crappy happening was not as bad as that.
I feel in love, but i can't direct it towards anything or one specific. I did love Ryan. I'm pretty sure if i saw him again, i would still. Not entirely sure how that makes sense. Out of sight, out of mind? Nah. That doesn't fit. Medication has erased nearly half of my thoughts. It feels quiet. I like it.
Odd odd odd..
You know, i think meeting Ryan caused a major personality shift in me. I got all crushy, and then i realized that he knew i was lying. So i tried to stop lying. Adaptation. Now i've finally arrived, and i think i've come out in a new position. Not quite where i started, but similar. I'm happy. I'm crazy. But more silent, like i've wanted to be. And more honest, like i've needed to be. Thanks Ryan. I'm not quite sure if i love you anymore, but i'm always grateful and blessed to have you as a friend.
Something people should know about me in general. I'm always teetering on the edge of falling in love with nearly everybody opposite my gender that I am in acquaintence with. All you need is a small hormone push or good deed from Mr. XY and i fall. Weakness? No. Just a teenager. Bahaha i can live like this, but i won't die like this.

"Oreos make you die! Oreos make you die!"-4th grade talent show at my moms school. Small kid wrote this song. Apparently oreos cause heart disease now? *shrug*

Haha lifes a crazy weirdo. And now that school is no longer here, i don't quite mind it. Life, I mean. Quite odd how mentally straining school is when in the grand scheme of things, its supposed to be good for you.
I'm not very hungry. Thats odd. Missed a few meals there. huh. I'll eat more tommorow. Maybe.
I'm enjoying my summer, my sleep, my quiet house. It's making me insanely happy. Aloneness..what a word.
Walter possibly has a new lady friend according to my parents, but personally i think shes just a friend and they're overreacting. But she has a wicked awesome car! Little red jeep buggy vroom vroom.
I feel like myself again. It's nice. I lie for entertainment. I stopped lying to my parents. I stopped lying about how i feel. Its good. But every once in awhile, a story comes out thats not quite the truth. But you know what? Nobody can ever tell, because my reality is so similar to what i make up, there is no difference! I just like making people laugh. Stand up comedians lie about their lives constantly just so a few people laugh. And thats what i am. A stand up comedian. The fact is, i don't even need to do that anymore anyway! I've almost completely stopped, because i've started to act on my crazy impulses. The last day of school, i opened a classroom door, screamed into it, and slammed it shut again. Emily was there. She could tell you. And it was fucking hilarious! I don't need to lie anymore. I am me again! And it rocks. Nothing is holding me back. Not school. Not friends. Not my mother. Bye folks, I'm off to meet the world! BAHAHAHAHA

On another note, i met some of molly's crazy-go nuts friends and we all saw a movie up at franklin mills mall and before hand they freaking humiliated me at DDR. But thats ok, cuz it was only the 4th time i've played. They just need to teach me, cuz i haven't a freaking clue what i'm doing. i will have my own pad if its the last thing i do.
I'm happy again. Go me. School is dead to me. I gots me an awesome job, even if the pay is crap.
I realize i didn't talk about how my job orientation went. Long story short, i have the worlds shittiest paycheck (wow, i'm cursing like a sailor in these blogs..but i don't care, nobody incredibly sensitive is reading. I'm also becoming rather crass. Sorry). That was a long interjection. Anyway, worlds shittiest paycheck, but i managed to land me air conditioning, easy-as pie artwork mostly involving gluing things to other things, my next door neighbor assisting me, breaks, access to the pool, lunch period alone sans cleaning and sans feeding brats, and cute children. As far as camp JC jobs go, i gots it made in the shade.
Go life!
Think i'm assisting my mom at her school tommorow. Eh, who knows? *shrug*
"O great, its tweedle-dee and tweedle-spatula"-Molly's friend steve, after we ran up to him. Guess which one i was?

obla dee obla da life goes on daaa dadadada life goes on..
Feeling much better now that those fucking horrible dance recitals are gone.
Now I have a necklace which is a cord that has a spatula hanging from it, a new hat, and a chinese jumprope around my wrist. Got me some yummy margarita mix to boot. Feeling much, much better.
so anyway my brother and mom are going to see the deer. Somewhere. At a park maybe *shrug*. Eh, normally i might go but i told alyssa I was gonna go to her hizouse.
mmm margarita mix mmmm>
This years yearbook signatures mainly featured "you're so funny" "you're a cool cat" "stay the same" and "don't do crack". But hey, what else do you say to a hilarious, feline, consistent, potential crackhead?

"In the fight between you and the world, back the world."-Zappa zappa zappa